执子之手

“死生契阔 , 与子成说 。执子之手，与子偕老。”

很喜欢这句诗，很美的意境。
淡淡的爱情， 没有太多的轰轰烈烈惊天动地， 有的是像流水一样绵延不断的感觉。

上网查了白话文的翻译：

“生生死死离离合合，
（无论如何）我与你说过。
与你的双手交相执握，
伴着你一起垂垂老去。”

"Death or live, separated and far apart,
With you i promise,
I'll be holding your hands,
Together until we grow old.."

Life is so Beautiful~

I love to live in this world..

I love to breath and know that I'm living..

I love to smile to cute people,
and I love to laugh at funny scene.. :)

I love to walk on the street,
and enjoy the fresh breeze kissing my face..

I love listening to soft music,
and dance happily with it..

I love drinking plain water,
it is so sweet and pure than any other drinks..

I love butterfly,
flying around me with colourful wings in the park..

I love flowers,
blooming on the ground and give me a great smile..

I love the rain..
dropping on my umbrella and sings a song for me..

I love everything in the world~~

Life is so so so beautiful, that's why I can't think of any reason for not feeling happy to live in this beautiful world.. and I can't think of any reason for not smiling to you all the time~ ^^

waiting = helpless

Today.. i realised that waiting means helpless..

I was waiting on the corridor in front of Medical Ward 6H, from 8.50am.. holding my blood sample in a plain tube, waiting for the worker from Gribbles came to collect it.

That was for the blood test- Anti CCP, to investigate whether i'm sero-negative Rheumatoid Arthritis. The test was expensive and not available in government hospital, even in PPUKM. the blood test is a must for me, and doctor just leave this instruction without any subsequent help.

Well, i understand. Everyone is busy, no one will help you unless you help yourself. I called up Gribbles Pathology Lab and arranged the appointment, I asked my colleague's help to take blood from me, and i waited for the worker came to collect it..

Standing in front of the ward, I was not feeling comfortable, being in a ward which i don't seem to be welcomed. Students and doctors passed by me, asking why am I here, was speechless and didn't know how to give an answer... the story seems to be so so so long..

Patients were looking at me too.. how come a girl with white coat standing there without doing anything like others do? She isn't look like a patient, with this age..

It was 1.30p.m., I called up Gribbles to confirm the appointment again .. they told me is on the way... The patient's family invited me to sit on a bench together.. she told me she is waiting for her mother who went for hemodialysis.. I tried to smile and hide my embarrassment.

I don't know what else I can do other than sitting and keep waiting.. My handphone battery was empty and I was hungry.. But I know that I can do nothing but keep waiting.. There is a strong feeling inside me and causing me feel like crying.. I hate this feeling and I know that it is known as 'helpless'..

Sometimes i really wish that I have only single identity in this hospital, either medical student or patient.. I hate to be both, and yet overlapping..and I hate to be helpless.. hate waiting without knowing the time limit..

medicine..medicine..and medicine..

Sometimes i really curious, why am I need to take so many medicine..

it's not a very comfortable feeling, even when u take medicine for only a week or a month.. but for me is no due date, just have to take it everyday..though they are tasteless. Tell u what, i feel like eating chalk with variable sizes and colours every morning.

and whenever i have to go for a trip, the most stressful thing is i have to check and recheck whether i bring enough medicine, counting the different 'chalks', and how many tablets.. I have to adjust the alarm to remind me to take medicine in case i was too excited and forget about it..I have to keep the very precious medicine in somewhere safe, or just carry it along no matter where i go..to prevent any lost..

Well, no matter how much i dislike it, I can't afford to omit it..therefore I decided to keep it in somewhere cute, in order to make it more attractive..

here come the piggy..

My promise

"My only hope Kai Ling is you don't stop being a medical student because if you do then you would stop being my student. That is a big loss for me. When you came into my life you made me whole. Reminded me of why I became a lecturer. That is to see and remember that smile. A smile I will bring back home to lighten my tiredness and sadness. Do not quit ..."

This is the message from Prof. Sharir, the best doctor i have ever met.

Undeniably, i used to think of quitting, my health condition may not allow me to work in a hospital, where the risk of infection is undoubtedly high.. I used to think of living an easier life, instead of being a doctor, whose life is the most hectic and stressful one..thousands of reasons persuading myself to quit.. but there is only one reason, being the strongest summon from my heart, which is the feeling of reluctant to let go of all the sweet memories happened in my life as a medical student..

Flashing back.. I see the happiness when got to know myself being selected into medical course..
I see the time living in the hostel, far apart from my family, where the place i began to learn the meaning of 'independent'.. I see the time spent together with the friends knew after entering this course.. i see the smiles when we laughed together.. and i see the tears when we cried together..

and because of these, i decided to continue the course no matter how hard it will be..
there won't be any regret from me.. I promise myself.. and to all the friends and doctors who cared for me.. this is my promise.. ^^

single room

today, weekends starts..
i'm staying in my new hostel, which is a single room.
this is my first week living in an enclosed room alone, don't really enjoy it, and don't really like it..

No need to go to hospital today, still wake up at 7.30 in the morning though,
switched on laptop, online..
brushing, washing, grooming..
prepared Milo with biscuits, continued my drama series while breakfast..
Boiled a pot of water.. Did laundry..
Continued my assigment- Partogram..
Cleaned the room, swept the floor..
Decided to cook something, brought the rice cooker down from the top of cupboard.. unwrapped it..
walked in and out to prepare materials, don't really convenient to cook in this small room, where the water supply is located outside..
after lunch, studied and online alternately..
Handphone rang, wished the call is from someone who can talk to..
It was just a call about works eventually..Disappointed
Decided to go to the ward, changed and walked to the hospital..
Noticed my patient has been discharged, reviewed her records and found that she delivered a baby boy, smiled..
Back to the room again, took a shower..had dinner..
Studied and online again..

the room is deadly silence if without the songs playing from my laptop..
Is thinking whether anyone will notice if i disappeared,
In doubt..
Just don't like to feel alone..

People said that adaptibility to loneliness is among the assessment of maturity.. do u agree?

battle

Ms. Dreamy is sinking.. She has been feeling so lost..

It seems like losing a very best friend, who knew her well, understand her most..

Remembering most of the diffucult time, one had accompany to go through..

Whenever times are bad, one will give encourage and support.. and whenever confused moment, one will provide advices and opinions..

And now, with undetermined reason, she has been left alone.. being abandoned..

And she just don't like to be abandoned,
especially by the very precious person of her life..

Well, no one will be blamed for this.. there's nobody fault.

Nobody meant to start a war, but life is always a battlefield.. each word will turn into a war, everyone has their own amour and shield,

we never meant to hurt each other, but just no one can hide the pride, neither will raise the flag..